Stop asking me these questions – cause I already obsess over them.

“What company do you work for again?” “Oh, you wanna be a famous blogger? Like any other girls right?”

Ughhhhh. I honestly don’t even know how to start this blog post simply because I have so much going on through my mind right now due to these two sentences I dropped at the start.

These are two questions that two people asked me in the last week. And they are also questions that I constantly ask myself.

As my worse critic and being terribly anxious all the time, there’s not one minute in the day that I don’t think about the failure that this blog could potentially be. I don’t stop obsessing and wondering if people read me, if what I’m doing isn’t risky, or if what I’m doing is really work.

So, already having these constant doubts running through my head, it’s horrible. Now imagine having these two questions asked when you’re already anxious about this risky path you’re going on.

*Before I continue, I want to let you all know that the people who asked me these questions did not mean it in a hurtful way – it’s just I took it the wrong way due to the very low self-confidence I’m currently going through.*

As I was saying, the path I’m taking is a risky one. I currently work for my cousin and one of his close entrepreneur friend as a personal assistant – which is so stereotypical & I love it – and I’m working on the blog. I’m trying so hard to make a career out of it and I know/realize how blessed I am to have the opportunity to do so.

Most people in my age group now are either in school, office jobs or if they’re fucking lucky, work for the company of their dreams and building success built on that.

It’s great and I’m truly happy for my friends who were able to catch their dream jobs at a young age. I’ve also applied to some jobs over the last few months. Unfortunately, luck hasn’t been on my side so far and that’s okay, I know how hard it is to get a job in my field. Maybe I haven’t worked hard enough on the applications, who knows, who cares. But what I know is that since I’ve started Cegep, I’ve dreamed of having a successful blog/company/becoming some kind of influence on the younger generation. Sadly, I was too scared of failure and went with what my easy road was aka journalism school. Yet, the more I thought of it, the more I realized I wasn’t that happy there. I want to create my own content, write and share with the world. This was what I was dreaming of for the past 4 years or so.

I’m done keeping this dream for me and wasting it – I want to explore it, dive in it, live in it, make it a reality for me. 

So, no – I don’t work for a company. I don’t want to work for a company now. I most likely will work for a company for the rest of my life. I want to give myself a chance before working for someone else’s successful dream. 

And NO. I am not gonna be like any other girls who the only influence they have on girls is “which bikini bottom they should buy” – NO NO NO. I want to influence young girls and boys in different ways than obsessing with looks.

But in the end, I am doing this for myself. I believe in me (even though half the time I give the impression that I don’t) and I want to succeed doing what I love.

For now, there will be a lot of writing and maybe more cosplays.

So, I might be crazy for doing this – but if I can’t be crazy in my 20s, then what’s the point really?

xo, TheModMisfit.

One thought on “Stop asking me these questions – cause I already obsess over them.

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