Don’t get me wrong, feeling lonely sucks. I’m feeling it right now – but, it’s a normal human pain that needs to be processed and addressed.
I honestly wasn’t sure what to write about today simply because I had no motivation whatsoever. This lack of motivation started yesterday night when I finished writing some posts and felt down about the lack of views on my content, which is funny though because obviously some days are better than others just like any businesses – right? But it’s always tough to know that you’re giving a lot but you’re only receiving a little – hence the feeling of loneliness.
So as I was saying, yesterday I was feeling super lonely – and I still am feeling like this. People around me might not realize it because I’m good at hiding it. Well, hiding is not the right word per say, I’m just trying to embrace it really because by embracing it I will really enjoy the moments that I’m not feeling this way.
Reasons for my loneliness? Not very sure, honestly. I’m really trying to come up with a reason but as I’m trying to think about it – as I mentioned, I’m surrounded by people that I love and who (I hope) love me back – yet, the moment I’m alone for a little too long I feel my heart almost suffocating.
Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy my presence and I do so many things by myself – which I love. I enjoy going to the movies alone, I love shopping by myself and I’m content when I eat alone – but there are days when I guess I feel lonely and not alone.
So what’s the difference between being lonely and being alone according to yours truly? Well, for me, being alone means it’s something that I decide I want to be – like, I don’t want to be around people. I just want to be alone – and I love that feeling.
Feeling lonely though? Not so much of a fan of it. Feeling lonely for me is when I feel excluded but really it’s all in my head. It’s when I absolutely have no idea what to say to people and therefore I actually am the reason I’m feeling excluded – cause I exclude myself. It’s almost the same as being alone but when I’m alone I’m in peace with my choice of being by myself. When I’m lonely, I feel like I’m not valuable to anyone.
WHICH IS CRAZY BECAUSE I KNOW I HAVE FRIENDS AND FAMILY – but having these feelings make me appreciate being surrounded by my loved ones. Hence why, I believe we should embrace feeling lonely. It’s an amazing feeling to have because it hurts so much but when the pain is relieved, you feel like a new person.
Well, as I’m writing this, I realize how emo this is but I’m really trying to open a conversation about mental health and loneliness. If I can connect with some of you on that, well, mission accomplished, right?
So this was more of an introduction to some of my darker posts but I promise these posts are being written for a reason – to show you guys that even if you feel down or a certain way, it’s gonna be okay. Trust yourself and remember that if you feel something strong you should let it out by maybe writing, drawing or singing – whatever you enjoy really.